Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Official Guide to Book Shopping at Borders

*stomps into room and plunks down in front of computer*
All right, my beloved friends. Now I am going to give you some entertainment, and give Borders my revenge! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *cackles evilly* >:)
Here is The Official Guide to Book Shopping at Borders:
1. Ask parents if they will drive you to Borders. (Not Barnes & Noble or any other bookstore, because here in this wonderful town of Santa Fe we have only Borders. Pathetic, right?)
2. Get super excited. Think that this is the time you are going to have some real luck and get a book that you actually might read. Novel concept, huh?
3. Arrive at Borders. Steer yourself past the lady with the large behind who is slurping coffee and looks at you like you're psycho. Who knows why people do things these days?
4. Ignore the small children who are drooling, chewing, and/or eating things distastefully right in front of you.
5. Go into the young adult section. Do a quick scan of the books. Your heart begins to sink.
6. Open some books at random, hoping you'll find something half decent. Inwardly curse as you find that all of them begin with pretty much the same line: The strong, hot, fangy vampire stared at me with his green eyes and sauntered toward me, preparing to take me in his bicepy arms and bite into the soft flesh of my neck. Aaarrrggghhh!!!
7. Look at all the useless crap around you with a growing sense of dread. Realize that the world is most likely coming to an end if publishers actually allow this useless crap to even get past the hallowed doors of their agencies.
8. Inwardly curse some more and kick the leg of the middle table when you think no one is looking. This results in nothing more than a stubbed toe. Look up to find a very sketchy guy looking at you like you're psycho. This isn't the first time this has happened. Who knows why?
9. Desperately search one more time for anything, anything at all.
10. Realize that your mother is standing beside you, tapping her foot impatiently. Growl.
11. Leave Borders, cursing it and bookstores in general.
12. Decide you will never go to Borders again.

1 comment:

  1. i feel the same way, i just have never been able to say it.